A Man Conceited...

                              



It was a beautiful village with lakes, mango trees with golden coloured fruits, fields where cattles wander and feed themselves. The calm surroundings of temples, lotuses that bloomed here and there in the lake and the murmur of big peepal tree leaves added a serene atmosphere to the village. I don't remember seeing a car anywhere there in those days. Humble minded people all around where everyone knew everyone. I was born in such a village.

I was an innocent boy, who didn't want to hurt even the smallest of beings. I was happy in my own world, small but large enough to be happy forever. In that world of mine trees, birds and animals were my friends. I talked to them a lot. When I asked my mother why they didn't talk to me I was told that only if I'm a good boy, they'll talk to me. I tried to be nice and assumed their replies, but they never talked to me.

For my studies I had to come to the city. Many I spent years there. Oneday I came across the word "conceit" somewhere in a book. From the context the meaning of the word flashed in my mind was "cheat". I was pretty happy about my ability to interpret meaning of 'tough' words without the help of a dictionary.

In school I had to try to be number one in all fields of studies and though I used to be first most of the times I couldn't be happy, and was depressed if any time the rank went to another person.

Years passed by. The Eternal Change that puts its mark on everyone didn't leave me either. I had to tackle many of the hassles constructed by the materialistic world, sometimes cruel, sometimes nice. I was going higher up and away from my small and happy world. I wanted to be successful and if one way didn't work in that regard, I found another one. I took advantage of others helplessness and kindness to climb the stairs of success. I crushed the tender feelings of so many including my own. I gained a lot, tangible and intangible, and to balance the gains I lost a lot too. New status and new possessions. I was appreciated even for the most crooked paths I chose. I was far above my friends that I couldn't see any of them. Then I didn't bother.

And in the novel the main character said: "I guess we're both conceited. But you are brave". Somehow I felt the need for checking the dictionary for meaning. It read "over estimation of self-vanity;.....". I had to sit and think. It was a appalling revelation...

I was falling into an abyss of concietedness where there is nothing beneath except dreadful darkness of self-destruction. And to see my small and happy world, I had to look high up; and I was far too below to see it now. I was shocked by the new interpretation of the meaning I gave to the word long ago: For so many years I was cheating myself and I was a man conceited.................

(Forgive me if the meaning of the word doesn't match with the intensity of the feeling, for sometimes words cannot express true feelings).

             

                                             Jayaraj is a software engineer(Oh no ! Yet another) .His hobbies include "Working Out" in the gym and seeing places . .